So here it is

      I'm going to write everything that comes to mind on the topic thats been on my heart. I felt that my relationship with God wasn't what it should be.  Here's my story.
     I was at the Social Security Office and while I was waiting a woman came, sat down, and left.  After that another woman came, sat down, and we waited together. We didn't as much as exchange a smile, or eye contract for that matter but I was thinking about her.
 "do you know who Jesus Christ is?"...
 "Have you heard the name Jesus Christ?" ...
"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to know a little about who God is." ...
I played out the conversation about fifteen times in my head.
"I should ask her..." I thought.  It was dead quiet in the room as we all waited.
"I'd ask her if I was going to be the only noise in the room." I thought.  No sooner did papers start to ruffle, clicks of pens, people walking in and out, small conversations start all spontaneously.  It was loud, I could have started up a conversation with this women so that it would only be us who heard. After all I didn't want to look like some religious freak rambling on trying to get every one to "convert."  I knew exactly what I had to do and I knew exactly how to do it. But I sat.  I pretended like I didn't notice the silence disappear like a thin vapor among the wind in the instant I suggested that I'd do this thing.
     It was my turn. I did what I came there for and I left. I was utterly convicted. I was defeated.
     the relationship I sought was one of communication.  I have been wanted to hear God's voice in my life. Directing me and guiding me. There it was, so plainly available in front of me.  The problem was me.  I didn't like what I heard so I ignored it.
"She might already know about you, then the conversation would be over after I asked. It would be awkward."
"She could ask me something I didn't know the answer to, and wouldn't I look like a fool."
His voice was there, I heard it, it's what I've been wanting. I ignored it. Never before had I been so compelled to share the word with anyone.  This time I failed. There might be a next time, and if there is, I hope I listen. I prayed about this relationship, God delivered. I said, "if only no one would hear us" and the room got louder. I knew I failed, but God still loves me. I don't agree with that but it's not my choice.  I wish that I can encourage you to slow down and try to listen to the voice of God, because when followed great blessings proceed thereafter. I wish I could have done what I needed to do.  Now I can only pray that the Gospel reaches her. So, perhaps you'd pray with me for us to open our hearts and ears to what God has for us it's worth it.