My dream this morning.

I was driving on a trail with a pack of cars, it was similar the the Rouge River trail but it was higher up in the mountains and everything was sun drenched.  The truck kept slipping left to right.  I get out of the truck to start walking instead but the trail was so narrow I slipped, right into a snakes living space.  I was so paralyzed with fear I couldn't move my leg out of the way of his bite.  First he only tore my jeans at the knee, then he finally nicked me.  a rattle snake.  I pulled his mouth open and threw him.  I wasn't bleeding bad, just like a swollen mosquito bite.  It was red around the wound.  I started walking and in a blink of an eye I saw every one else sitting at picnic tables. I told every one what happened and the solemn look on their faces told me, because we were so far away from a hospital, nothing could be done.  I had said it out loud. One guy, who I don't think I've seen before, said he had an idea.  I went with him after looking into the face of every one there.  No one could make eye contact. He grabs his kids and Luke and had me sit in a chair, away from every one else.  Meaningless.  His boy dances, his girl plays with my hair.  I feel the bite getting hotter and the father, who looked less like a physician and more like a part of the cast of a show about hillbillies and hunters, yelling. "It's starting! hurry up!" he shouts. I know it's not going to work.  I asked him if this has ever worked and he neither spoke nor looked at me. How many times has he done this, I wondered.  I hold on to Lucas wondering if I should slow my breathing.  As if he heard me Luke instructed me to "breath softly."   My brow was sweating, my leg was aching, my heart was pumping way too fast. I was remembering the faces and felt sad for them. I wanted to talk to them one last time. Then I didn't feel Luke's arm anymore, I didn't see those strange people dancing anymore.  I looked at an unpolluted sky with the whitest clouds I've ever seen.  I saw... Innocent looking people. Pure people. I was floating and I couldn't look down, only up or horizontal. I thought about the people I left behind.  I was worried. Then I woke up.

So What's for breakfast?

So what IS for breakfast? Otter pops of course. I'll wash those down with a Vanilla CocaCola.  So far my day is delicious! I am probably going to pay for this later.  Is it even worth it?  Let's look.  It has literally been over 60 years since my lips have touched that wonderful plastic that contains the juicy, frozen goodness.  Who doesn't want to risk getting cuts on the side of your mouth to get to what's inside.  It's sort of a micro survival of the fittest if you think about it.  Those who conquer the excessive amounts of otter pops of one delicious summer is bound to have some sort of immunity right? Alright whatever, all that to say, I've missed otter pops. They remind me of swimming in the pool in the back yard or watching TV with the family, and countless other fun childhood activities that involved otter pops. So is it worth the risk of a sour stomach hungry for something fuller? Yeah, I'd say it is!

Not much to say about Vanilla Coke, they made one good right in the world by inventing it.

One thing I forgot about, as I'm rapidly being reminded, is the effect Otter Pops have on your tongue...Good thing I'm home alone all day today!

So that's really my only adventure today.  Otter Pops... Oh wait no! We're planning a Trip to Santa Monica next weekend.  I hope we remember to bring the camera. I've never been so I'm hoping to see the aquarium and visit the Pier.  There's also the Del Marina I think it's called, that's close by that had a restaurant I heard about.  So that oughta be fun. Anyway, Until next time!

speaking of bread butts

Speaking of Bread Butts. 

I almost did the unthinkable the other day.  I went to the fridge after decided to make myself a delicious 'sammich' and, took out the loaf of bread. 

(Because for some reason Luke keeps it in there, letting it get cold and stiff and uncomfortable to eat, though he claims it stays fresh longer but I think that we go through bread fast enough anyway)

I took out the cheese, the tomato, the onion, the lettuce, mustard, mayo, oh MY!  ANYWAY I noticed there were only five pieces left.  Three choice middle pieces and two measly, ugly, crinkly butts.

First I laughed at the fact that neither of us eat the heel end of the bread but we both went out of out of our way to not even touch it long enough to throw it out of our way into the trash, to be able to get to the rest of the bread. lazy is what it is, or perhaps stubbornness.

Luke does eat more sandwiches than I do, one ham sandwich with one slice of cheese and so much mayo, every day for lunch.. (reminding me of a Nicholas Sparks character whose name I've forgotten,  I think it was from A Bend in the Road but I'm probably wrong)

I figured I'd leave him at least those two good pieces. So I'm left with two heels and a good piece... I contemplated my options for a good while.  Instead of deciding I cut up the onion, I cut up the tomato, peeled some lettuce. Put the rest of the tomato in a bag and stored it in the fridge. Still not decided, I took out exactly how many pieces of smoked turkey I wanted.

Finally I put all the bread back and got out the onion bagels sliced it open and made for myself an equally delicious, if not better, turkey bagel. 

So this is just one of the many adventures I get to have as a house wife...you may think it's pretty pathetic that I would call making a sandwich an adventure, but I welcome the challenge with OPEN ARMS!!!

Besides, it's not the making of the sandwich that I call the adventure, it's learning to think of ways to make Luke's life a litter easier every day with choices like that. Even if it means I have to alter my plans a little. Some times it just works out better for the both of us. 

not bashing but...

Sometimes I wish that we didn't have computers.  I wish there wasn't such a thing as "facebook" or "myspace".  To be fair, and to avoid being a hypocrite, I DO use face book as you know, and I do most of the things I'm talking about.

"I'm updating my status,"

"read that comment, it's hilarious, I gotta 'like' that"

"shut up or I'll unfriend you"

I mean, what is all that?  Nonsense is what it is and swallowed us (myself included) whole is what it did. I remember in middle school every one was making a big fuss about E-mailing is taking the place of letters.  That just doesn't seem comparable to having full on in depth conversations, conversations that are better placed face to face,  through a website.

It's just, why can't we call a person up?  Better yet, why can't we make a surprise visit to their house just to see how things are going.  Sure it's time consuming but is it not worth it?  One day you may not be able to see their face or hear their voice and you've wasted all your conversations on a social-networking website.

It's not just said social networking sites, it's online videos and things.  Why spend hours browsing through some one else's memory when you could be making your own.

I'm not saying let's all boy cot the internet because I'm on it now as we speak, talking to Lee who's seven hours away and all, which is one great perk of the internet.  Anyway, I know people hate it when I'm "just saying"  but, I think it would do any one good to just consider their time in front of the computer compared to their face to face visits.  Think for one moment what it would be like to go a year without facebook?  Is it even possible? haha. I would hope so.

For old times sake

I was re-inspired by a friend to write again. Good thing for you guys! because I have a lot going on. Well, as much as a common house wife CAN have going on. Which leads me to think.  I'm not sure I'm such a common  house wife anyway. I mean, I actually get to stay home, so I get to cook most nights! But that's not all, as pathetic as it may seem I get to sew all the time, crochet, knit, read, study, (which I should be doing more of but am getting better at.) I could go on because the possibilities are endless but that shouldn't be what this blog is about.  I decided to start writing like I think I talk.  I don't really hear myself talk that often but I know that I don't speak in perfect sentences and, most of the words I say are all mumbled anyway, so any spelling mistakes that I miss are probably close to accurate.  unless it's like. kabrrledlfjdsa. then...that just...i don't even know how I would pronounce that. it's a shame though, that I don't talk all proper and clear. But alas, that wasn't my destiny.

So what have I been doing lately? I've been being a wife is what I've been being. It's a good gig too. Free money! no workin! nah. it's not like that.  We're extremely blessed to have him have a job that doesn't require a second job. Hard to find these days... But! like I said, we are really blessed.

I also recently got glasses. I actually really like them.  I don't talk to a lot of people who have had to get glasses recently, so I'm not even sure if "actually liking them" is out of the norm.  But, nevertheless, I do. The constant smudging is a bit to deal with, but that's the price I gotta pay for being blind. And they hurt my ears a little, with an occasional headache, but I remain optimistic.  As it turns out, being able to see details isn't all that bad! truth is though, I didn't know I couldn't see until the glasses came on.  How's that for life, eh? *theeeee truuuuth of liiiifeee shall seeeeeet you freeeee* that didn't even make SENSE!

We also moved to LANCASTER. which is cleaner than where we were living in lame old palmdale. I think this is the start of a never ending process of moving and comparing. It's a ton of fun though. I loved moving the first time, and though there was a lot of negative things to say about the wretched palmdale apartments, what an interesting time of growing it was!  These lancaster apartments though, there's nothing bad to say about them yet. which is good! I don't wanna jinx it though. hopefully the roof doesn't FLY OFF!!! *looks up* phew still there.

You know what I was JUST thinking? how crazy it would be for me to finally write a blog that I enjoyed writing...and the rapture happens? wadda waste. I can't say that would be bad or anything but wouldn't that just... not even be surprising? I guess some people will be left behind, perhaps they could his PUBLISH POST! or not doesn't matter. Whatever.

I picked up sewing...that's new... Maybe I should have skimmed some of my other post to see where I left off? nah. it's cool. I started sewing and it's a ton of fun. made a couple blankets, a few bags, a cat. some other stuff. maybe I'll try coasters. This is probably boring you to your grave. so I'll end it riiiiiiiiiiighttt.... >here<

Good thing my internet is slow.

     A half a second ago upon finishing my Title I decided to change what my topic of the day is going to be.  To feed your curiosity, that probably isn't hungry, I was going to write about how irritating it is to have a slow internet.  Luckily my new topic is closely related though it's been beaten to death. Nevertheless, I will write about it.
     So my internet is slow today, and yesterday, and the day before.  My Itunes account won't let me search for music because of Error Code 11222 or something. Last night Jamima ate my costco muffin. I can never get into my Bank of America account online for some unknown reason.  My hair doesn't fall in just the right way every day. The drying machine is ridiculously loud. The traffic lights here are about eight seconds long.  My phone is....and the...stopped working...and then!.....broken...and...and...and...    O.o
     I'll save you the time of my troubles but my point is, the internet isn't going satisfy me. Music isn't going to satisfy me. My half eating muffin isn't going to satisfy me. Bank of America? You're website won't satisfy me.  The way my hair falls, whether good or bad, isn't going to satisfy me. A quiet drying machine, though a blessing, wouldn't satisfy me. Traffic lights that allow more than one car at a time? Well maybe. No, not even that.  There is always going to be something else.  Some other distraction that's going to inevitably lead to a growing frustration and my eyes off the Lord. Meditation. I think that's key.  I'm not talking about sitting Indian style with your hands held up with your pointer and thumb together saying "me me me me meeeee."  Because one: meditation should be about, "you you you you youuuu."  It should be centered around God, and his Word.  And two: you'll just look silly. This is what I've been finding out, not about looking silly about keeping my eyes on the Lord.  The more I look to God, the more that other stuff doesn't matter.
     I know this world is fast pace, It's hard to find time to actually sit down for an hour or two just reading God's word.  Not only that but actually THINKING about what you just read.  That's real meditation.  When you're reading God's Word, it's God's words, to you!  Some times I get in the habit of just making a quick prayer before a meal, and before I go to bed, every once in a while I'll branch out and pray in the morning for a few minutes.  What a concept right? The relationship I think should work both ways.  Take Luke and I, if I just talked and talked and talked and never stopped to hear what he had to say, then what will I end up knowing about him?  Not a whole lot.  Praying and talking to God is wonderful and nice, but try and be sure to get into His Word, and let him talk back to you.  Find out more about the one you've been talking to all this time. He's God some pretty amazing things to tell you. You just need to listen!

Pursuit of Happiness.

     All the time we seek happiness. Very rarely do our ambitions and desires revolve around some one else's gain.  I often think about the troubles of others, even more often, probably, I push those same thoughts away, simultaneously pushing away the guilt that comes along with not bothering about them.  The cessation of the thoughts are freeing at first, but some how through the conscious an annoying reminder shouts out about what I've done, or rather what I haven't done.  So what then, shall I continue in this petty cycle of ignorance and guilt? Certainly not!  It's all about pursuing what is right, the right way.
     This isn't so much just about helping people.  Any one and almost every one helps people at least a few times every so often.  Perhaps out of obligation, pressure from the rest of the crowd, hopefully though it was just out of kindness. In my earlier blog I talked about the social security office happening, where I didn't take the opportunity that was granted to me without a doubt.  The thing is, this happening is an improvement from my old self, that is, before I became a serious "Christian".  I never would have stopped to think about that lady.  In fact I probably would have been annoyed that she sat so close to me.  My point is though,  God has done something unique in me.  Not unique in the way that He doesn't do it to any one else because I've seen impressive but small countless acts of kindness that I still feel warm about.  I mean it in the way that was  unique to my character.
     Something that I've noticed over the years with my relationship with God is the fact that I love more.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not boasting, if anything 'loving more' just meant based on a one to ten scale, it went from the negatives to perhaps something a little higher.  My world revolved around me.  I figured that's the way it should have been because I can't control any one else's life.  That idea changed upon my salvation.  The more I knew the love of God towards myself the more I understood His love for others.  It was something I never stopped to think about. God loves that person holding a sign with the explicit words asking for food.  A curious way to ask.... But he loves him nonetheless and because of that I had compassion for him.  My heart hurt for his situation.  Such a strange feeling I would have thought a few years ago, having compassion for some offensive thing.
     I'm still working on it, or rather, God's still working on me, because although I was offended at the time now I wish I could have done something about his lack of food.  After all I've been blessed with the extra provisions.  This is where the desires come in.  Like I said, years ago I would have looked awkwardly away from the homeless, trying to ignore their existence.  I wouldn't have thought to ask if the crying young woman at Walmart was alright.  I wish I had, and if I saw them again I'd recognize them because they've been on my heart ever since.  This is the change.  The change from desiring things for my own good and being concerned for other people.  Never before had I been so thoughtful of any one else.  This is what was freeing. When I wasn't concerned on myself and on my own problems I was freed up to make more than one person (myself) feel just OK and was able to make a ton of other peoples day get a little bit brighter.
     Which brings me to my last point that I've been thinking about.  Where our desires start and end.  I believe that they should both start with Christ and end with him.  When we are looking to the Cross and seeing that love that we have been given how are we able to contain it? Why would we WANT to contain it?  God has given me more love than I know what to do with and it's only natural that it's going to overflow and pour out.  The same will most definitely happen for you, Christian.

"But whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life." John 4:14

     By the way, there is absolutely no competition in serving myself and helping others.  It is far better to serve that to be serve, I've been seven THOUSAND times happier and more blessed than when things were just about me. so... THE END! :D Oh wait.  To explain the title, the pursuit of happiness isn't about self. KTHEEND